Holding back
by gram.waitforit.pola
Summary: Have you ever felt something for anyone and had no guts to tell it? Eventually Rizzles.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Here we go. Look, english is not my first language, but I'm trying to do my best, okay? It takes time to write and translate, so be patient, please. :) ****Any help is welcome. One more thing: I do not own Rizzoli and Isles, I just borrowed these (beloved!) characters for my story. Oh, I wanna add something more: Sadly Lee Thompson Young has passed away yesterday. I'm so sorry for that. He was such a great actor and he's gonna be missed. Frost will ever be in my heart!**

* * *

Jane turned the knob and walked into Maura's house. There was a long time since the doctor had given to her a copy of her house key. She looked through the dim light, the light that Maura always left on, the light that emanated a glow usually warm, but today it just seemed a melancholy light. Nobody was there.

Silence.

She walked over to the sofa and sink into it. Actually, she collapsed on the sofa, grabbing a pillow and burying her face on it. She wanted to forget the world for a moment. Maybe the earth could swallow her, or the couch, whatever, the fact is that she wouldn't mind. She wanted to ignore the throbbing pain in the head, but on her mind several thoughts kept running and yelling too loud against the silence of the empty house.

Jane needed to stop thinking of the ME, at least for a moment. She really needed to reorganize her thoughts, figure out what had happened that day. She felt so guilty... She had failed. She had failed to the one that she most... loved? How could she let Maura go that way? It wasn't kind of predictable?

The detective took a deep breath in attempt to oxygenate the brain, just as she had learned from the doctor. _Oxygen helps you think better_, wasn't it that she always said? _Jane, breath_. And so she did.

And she instantly regretted it.

Maura's perfume was on the pillow, it was everywhere. She had to fight off the tears and try so hard to not cry like a baby when she remembered how many times they sat there on that same couch, laughing at the stories of one another, confiding secrets, offering a shoulder to cry on, sharing drinks, watching TV programs, sharing a blanket...

Jane has been missing Maura. Her laugh, her engaging and delicate way, that perfect hair falling over her shoulder and those hazel eyes shining at her while Maura's lips opened the most wonderful smile she had ever known. Yes, she's been missing Maura reprehending her for saying a swear-word and every single time when Maura missed her sarcasm.

Maura, her sweet and naivy friend.

They have been friends for a couple of years now, but they knew each other as if they had been born and raised together. And since the day they became friends, Jane had never thought about loosing her. The blonde's absence had proved that Jane needed Maura on her side to feel complete, to not feel like just someone else in the world. A life without Maura wasn't a life that worth living.

Jave had lived alone, without worrying about herself or anyone. And then Maura appeared in her life. It changed everything. Of course, at that first time she disliked Maura. The blonde was just a confident, snobbish and smart pants woman with a couple of funny facts to share. She was just a high-heel fashionable doctor trying to not make a wrinkle on her dress - her expensive dress. And worse: she didn't allow anyone to put a finger on her corpse at the crime scene, and she definetly pissed Jane off. But Jane had never been so wrong in her life. Turns out that she found out that Maura was so sweet, kind and lovely that she couldn't help but like her.

Jane found out that Maura was not a snobby at all, but private. She answered politely any question but always changed the conversation when the subject somehow involved her personal life. It was really hard to get to her, but Jane was always sympathetic, always knew how to read people, and despite never being very patient with anyone, Maura had caught her attention, made her curious. Maybe because the fact of wanting to explain everything through science or don't understand the detective's sarcasm, or to the fact of showing herself so calm and polite in _any_ situation, especially in situations where Jane was dying to grab her gun and shoot someone.

And she was always alone. It didn't bothered Maura at all, but it bothered Jane. So she tried her best to break that wall but sometimes it was just frustrating. But one day, that day when she and Korsak finally solved a hard case, she headed to the morgue and broke the news. It was the first time she saw Maura's smile, her big and sweet and wonderful smile. Then Jane asked her to get together with the boys at the Dirty Robber. For Jane's surprise - and joy - she said yes.

A wine, a beer.

That day they learned they had more in common than they could have imagined before and were more different than they might say.

Life became better from that day on. So much better.

Until now.

Jane sighed and waited until the anguish that was squeezing her heart lighten. She was mad, and she was scared. Sit and wait? Was it the words that slipped out of Cavanaugh's mouth? Really? It was like he didn't know her very well. Fuck it. She could fix that, she was the BPD best detective and she knew it. She wouldn't stay still just waiting, it would drive her crazy and as far as she knew, Maura wouldn't expect any other attitute from her friend but get up and fight for what she believed in.

So she was up now, feeling a mixed of fear and anger growing within her soul, all her patience had reached its limit.

She grabbed her gun, took a deep breath and made her decision. She was about to make something stupid and impulsive, something that Maura would classify as an 'irresponsible act', she had no doubt, and she almost smiled at the thought of it. She grabbed the car key and walked toward the door voraciously. Hurricane Rizzoli was leaving home. Armed, angry and determined.

And then her cell phone went off.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So, guys... It's a short one, ok? But I don't want to make you wait for so long. Keep up with me! :) And let me know what you all think! xxx**

**Disclaimer: They're not mine blah blah blah...**

* * *

_A few days earlier._

Maura took a deep breath. It was the middle of the night, she was half asleep and something was bothering her. She was thirsty, excessively. Her throat was dry. But she was also too tired, so she tried to ignore the urgency from her body asking for water, turned herself to the other side of the bed and cleared her mind willing to go back to sleep. It didn't work. Maybe I should get use to bringing a glass of water to my room before go to bed, she thought. She rubbed her eyes, put the slippers on and headed to the kitchen. The house was completely in the dark, except for the living room. A faint light was shinning, coming from the tv. Why is the tv on? She frowned. She walked up to the couch and saw Jane's form lying there. She was sleeping face down, her curled hair was a messy, she had a hand reaching the ground, and she obviously had kicked the blanket off because her feet were on view. Maura crouched down beside the couch and rubbed Jane's back gently.

'Jane?' She called.

The brunette moved slowly and then respond, 'hm'. It was the best she could do.

'Jane, why are you here? You should go to the bed.'

'I'm dead, Maura. Leave me alone.' She murmured.

The blonde leaned slightly her head to the side and frowned. 'You look pretty alive to me. You're breathing. And _talking_. How could you be dead?'

'Maura!' Jane grumbled.

'What? Oh...' Maura glanced at the coffe table. There had a six-pack of beer now empty, a few corn of popcorn resting on the ground, and the final clue she had already notice, the tv on. She recalled that Frank and Jane was too excited to watch the game last night. Aparently...

'The Red Sox didn't win the game, did they?'

'Nooo.' Jane mourned, her eyes still closed.

'I'm sorry to hear that.' And she was, basically because she hated seeing her friend looking miserable that way.

'Yeahh...'

'Are you sure you want to stay here?' She asked a little concerned.

'Nooo.' Jane sat up first, her eyes half-open and her head half-drunk, then she slipped out of the couch once her feet reached the ground. She gave Maura's arm a little squeeze and made her way to the bedroom. My bedroom, Maura noticed.

'Mm... Jane? That's... That's _my_ bedroom.' She tried to warned her but the brunette didn't listen to. Well, it was not like she cared. She and Jane had been sharing a bed very often lately. They have spent so much time together working, having lunch, talking and trying to work her problems out that sometimes they just fell asleep on each other's bed while they were talking, just like that. Maura felt comfortable with having Jane around, she felt safe and complete because honestly it was a relieve having someone to open herself to and to understand her. Jane was that person, she was the person who brought Maura from that lonely and cold world to a colorful and warm one.

Maura walked up to the kitchen, drank water until her body was satisfied and led herself to the bedroom. Once she was there, first thing she saw was Jane lying in bed. The brunette was all cuddled up, a hand under her beautiful face, legs contracted, her chest rising and falling equally. Maura smiled at the view. She looks like a angel sleeping after a tough battle, she thought. Well, if I only believe in angels. All this serenity will be gone by tomorrow morning when she wakes and remembers about the game.

Smiling, Maura shook her head no and slipped herself into the bed. She was took by surprise when the detective turned to her, wrapping tightly her waist and breathing:

'Maura, are you staying with me tonight?'

Maura's heart jumped. But of course Jane was asking it because she was confused, she probably thought that both of them were at the guest room. Oh, you stupid! The blonde turned herself to stare Jane, her eyes were still closed but the eyebrows arched as if waiting for a answer. She caressed Jane's cheek and then breathed:

'Yes, Jane. I'm staying with you tonight.'

The brunette smiled, just like a child do when she recieves a candy she wanted, held tight the blonde's thin body and then finally fell asleep.

Maura stayed awake long after Jane just soaking up the feeling that Jane's warm and tight embrace was making her feel.

* * *

'No work today, thank's God.' Jane muttered to herself when she woke up. Her eyes were closed, the sun was kissing her face hello, it felt good. She opened her eyes slowly realizing with surprise that that bedroom wasn't hers. 'What the...? How did I get here?'

'You came by yourself.' Maura was looking at her, a big smile on her face, her eyes more green than usual because of the sun.

'Really?'

'Yes. In the middle of the night.'

'Oh... Did I wake you? I'm sorry if I did.'

'Not really. Actually I woke you up. You were in the couch looking uncomfortable, after that you made your way to my bedroom.'

'You've got a great couch, Maur!'

'To take a nap, not to sleep all night long.'

'You should try someday.'

'I do rather my bed, thank you.' She giggled. 'I thought you'd be more... moody today.'

'Moody, me? Why..? OH MY GOD, RED SOX DIDN'T WIN THE GAME! Dammit!' She cursed at the moment her head hit the headboard.

Maura looked at her startled. 'What was that?!'

'I just hit my head!' She cry out, messaging the place.

Maura couldn't help but laugh. 'Let me see it.'

'Nooo!' Jane said squirming away.

'Well... You should put some ice on it. Just in case.'

Jane buried herself in the bed again. How could she have forgotten about Red Sox? Well, maybe because waking up having Maura on her side was so much better than anything else. But still, she was upset.

'C'mon Jane, don't let it ruin our day off. By the way, there is an article that says...'

'Okaaay.' Jane stretched her arms cutting Maura off. 'I'm glad we took a day off. I mean, c'mon, it's been a long time since our last one. Right?'

'Yes, indeed.' Maura yawned. 'We might go to the mall today.'

Jane dropped her shoulders.

'Or we might not.' Maura added rapidly.

'We should eat breakfast before deciding where to go or what to do.'

'That's a good idea.'

'I'm a genius.'

'No. That's me.'

* * *

Jane rested a ice bag against her head as Maura made the coffee. The brunette settled on the couch in her own confortable way: legs outstretched resting against the coffee table. She turned the tv on without paying atention at all on the news.

A few moments later Maura came over with two cups of coffee and handed one to Jane.

'Thank's.' She said gratefully.

'Feet on where they belong to, Jane.'

'Ankles?'

'Floor!' Maura slapped and corrected her everytime, but in the back of her mind she knew that it was a hopeless cause. 'How is your head?'

'Well, better. I guess I'm not having a brain surgery or whatever.' She smirked.

'Yes, you're not. Hm, We can go for a run, what do you think?' Maura asked, sipping her coffee.

'Nice, it's a beautiful day outside.'

'There are lots of things to do today.'

'Yeah, I'm definitly not going shopping with you, Maura.'

'Why not?' She protested.

'Because! Last time you made me buy a dress! A pink one, Maura.' Jane rolled her eyes. She didn't know how, but one way or another she always finished up doing what Maura wanted. Mind control, it was how Jane had name it. Maybe Maura was a alien or a cyborg and mind control was her super power. And it did work very well on Jane.

'You looked stunning in that dress. You should thank me.'

'I didn't even...' She was cut off by her cell phone. She leaned over the table and took the phone. 'Rizzoli', she said with her husky voice.

'Hey Jane, it's me. We've got a body'. Korsak's voice sounded into the other end.

'What? It's my day off, Korsak.' She just throw up the words because, c'mon, everyone knew it was her day off.

'I know, I'm sorry, Jane. We are running out of people here today. Me and Dr. Pike are testifying in court within a hour or so about that Trail case. Do you remember?

'Oh yeah, I do. Freaky guy. Good luck with that. And what about Frost?'

'He's on his way, but it'll take him a couple of minutes to arrive there.'

'Oh dammit!'

'I'll text you the adress. Please let Dr. Isles know.'

Jane arched her eyebrows and glanced at Maura. 'Well, maybe you wanna call her too.'

'C'mon Jane, I know you're at her house. You're probably looking at her right now.' He teased her.

'Very funny.' And she hung up. 'Go dress up, Maur. We've got a case.' She grumbled, throwing her head backward.

'Five minutes!' She said and hurried herself in to her closet.

'Crap. Can this day get any worse?'


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I'm so, so sorry it took me so long to update this. I'm very busy these days. I hope you like it and keep up with me :D Thank you so much for the reviews. ;)**

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Creepy. This was the word that crossed Jane's mind when she first looked at the crime scene. She glanced at Maura. She was glovering her hands and staring at the dead woman if front of her. Jane could see her brilliant mind already working. She look up to the sky, it was blue, no clouds around and the sun was shining timidly. She felt the harsh and fresh wind hiting her face. A beautiful winter's day, she thought, well, not to the poor dead woman.

The brunette took a deep breath and gloved her own hands, preparing herself to deal with the vic in front of her. She was watching Maura who was already taking care of her work. The blonde was pointing out the blood, and the woman, and everything else to another cop. By the way she was moving her hands and talking without stopping, Jane could say that Maura was google-mouthing. The uniformed guy frowned her eyebrows and shook his head in positive with a very confused look in his face. Well, now Jane was sure. She knew Maura so well. She was too busy paying attention on the blonde that she didn't notice when a voice called her name.

'Detective Rizzoli?'

'Yes!' She answered when the woman called her for the second time. She turned around to see a pretty woman staring at her. She had chocolate brown hair matching with chocolate brown eyes. Her skin was so white and her lips was painted with a soft shade of pink. 'I'm sorry. How can I help you? Actually, you shouldn't be here. It's a crime scene. You'll have to...'

'I'm FBI. Helena Stevens.' She held up her bagde.

'What's FBI doing here?' Jane asked as she checked the woman's ID bagde.

'I'm here as a favor.'

'A favor? For who?' Jane frowned. What the hell was going on? Why no one have told her about this?

'Detective, all you need to know is that I'm working on this case now.'

Oh great. Jane loved FBI so much, mostly because they always put the nose where it doesn't belong to. Besides, everytime one of them show up, they want to take care of the case by themselves, leaving no space or giving no chances for the detectives. She knew better. Last time one of them, _Dean__,_ showed up, he didn't give her all information she needed to know so she could handle the case in the best manner she could. Worse: she felt manipulated and betrayed. Oh yeah, and that almost cost her friendship with Maura. To the hell this guys.

'I am leading this investigation, this is my juridiction. You don't have...' Jane said harshly, after all, if Stevens wasn't willing to cooperate with her, she didn't have to do it either. Did she?

'You don't need to worry about my presence. I'm here just to make sure this case will be solved as soon as it's possible.'

'You bet it'll be.' Rizzoli said, almost defying. She could feel the tension growing up between both of them. Their eyes looked for a long moment as if they were defying, studing each other, like two gladiators waiting for the right moment to pounce. If they pounced, Jane knew, would be sparks everywhere and depending on the place it reached, she wondered what kind of fire would burn.

'Good. Is that your medical examiner?' Stevens finally said, breaking the ice and pointing out to Maura.

'Yes. My medical examiner. Doctor Isles.' Jane arched her eyebrows as Stevens turned on her heels to walk over to the blonde woman. Oh yeah, that woman was willing to give her a hard time. But Jane could be tough too. She followed Stevens close behind.

'Doctor Maura Isles?' Stevens called her.

'Yes?' The ME turned around looking for the owner's voice.

'I'm Helena Stevens.' She stretched out her hand but Maura held up hers, showing a blue glovered ones. 'Oh, it's okay. I'm FBI.'

'Oh...' Maura trailed off as she looked at Jane searching for something. The brunette made a disgusted face. 'May I ask you what FBI is doing here?'

'Like I told to detective Rizzoli, I'm here just to observe, to make sure this case is going to be solved as soon as is possible.'

'I don't understand. Are we under surveillance?' Maura asked and Jane rolled her eyes.

'No. You're not. Now, tell me, what do you already have?'

'A dead body.' Maura said simply as she turned her back to Stevens.'

'This much I can see.' She replied. 'Can you say what's the cause of death?'

'Yes, I can.' She turned to face Stevens again. The woman had arched her eyebrows as if waiting for a answer. 'But not right now. Do you understand how manny tests I have to run and how long it takes me to do a perfect autopsy so that I can say _for sure_ what have caused her death?_ Hours_. If not, a day, a least.'

'Ah, okay, but couldn't you guess? You must have a pretty good idea by now.'

'I'm guessing she blood out.' Jane murmured to herself, already knowing Maura was pissed off by the new woman and also knowing better than to tease her right now. She saw the blonde taking a deep breath before talking again.

'I do not like guessing. For all I know, she could be stabbed, or gunshot, or drowned, or poisoned...'

'She won't stop.' Jane breathed to the woman with a 'look what you did' painted on her face.

'... I can only say what happened to her after running tests! Science is a process!'

Stevens frowned. 'Okay, Doc. I think I've got your point.'

'Good.' Maura smiled at her. 'Now, I'll ask for this kind officer to take charge of my corpse and take her away from here to the morgue.' She looked at the same uniformed guy she was talking before Jane and Stevens arrive and mouthed a 'thank you' once he agreed with his head.

'I'm done here. You can come to the morgue if you like to. I'll start the autopsy as soon as the body arrive there.'

'I rather wait for the results, instead.' Stevens glanced to the body, but rapidly looked away.

'Oh, c'mon, enjoy the party, it'll be fun.' Rizzoli teased her.

'I'll meet you at the precinct, detective.' Stevens said cooly as she walked away.

'I think we have a female Frost version here, if you know what I mean.' Jane snorted.

'I don't.' Maura replied, not really understanding the reference.

'Argh, never mind, Maura.' She rolled her eyes. 'Let's go, we've got work to do.'

* * *

That place was her temple. Quiet. Peaceful. And her job, a job that many people would be scared of or even loathe it, was almost a religion to her. _Almost_, because religion can't be refutable, but science can. And religion isn't precise as well, but science is. She didn't believe in God - no, it's not like she didn't believe it at all, she simply couldn't prove his existence, so she did rather not to think about it. While people try and find some peace and safety through God, she have found her own through science. That was her belief: things that can be explained, measured and tested. So, when she was floating into this atmosphere, practicing her science thing, carefully concentrated on every detail she could observe of a corpse, she felt good. But right now this atmosphere had been disturbed and the doctor found herself being dragged to the earth again.

'So, that's your morgue.' Stevens said while she was typing her celphone.

Maura had just made the last stitch on the vic's chest when Stevens walked in the morgue. The doctor looked up at her and breathed an almost inaudible 'hi' and then looked back to the dead body and covered it with the sheet.

'Well, not mine, actually. It belongs to Department...'

'So to speak...' Stevens replied.

'Oh... Well, then yes.'

'You take everything literally, don't you?'

'Mostly.'

'Sure. I've got a file on you.'

'Why do you have a file on me?' Maura asked a little surprised.

'I need to know the person I'm working with.'

'Right.'

'Your file says that you, Doctor Isles, like to see crystal clean. The kind of person who likes control and likes to keep everything in the right place. You leave no room for mess or doubt. An objective person. What else? Oh, the most important thing: you always make a remarkable job.'

The blonde was just listening and now her eyebrows were arched. She didn't know exactly what Stevens was suggesting. Was that a compliment? Well, she decided it was, and 'Thank you', she said politely.

Stevens smiled genuinely. 'And that file also says that you're not that sociable.'

It took Maura a minute before responding cooly. 'Yes.'

'I can't imagine why.' The brunette looked around the place. 'Is that why people call you _the queen of the dead_?'

'No,' a voice sounded behind the two of them, 'they call her like this shit because they don't know her at all. And because they're stupid, of course.' Jane folded her arms in front of her chest, waiting for a response.

Stevens straightened herself as she rotated to stare Jane. And there it was again. That tension. Neither of them could tell where it came from or even why, but the two of them certainly could feel it.

'I see.' It didn't need much for Stevens to understand that what she'd said wasn't kind at all. As she turned herself now to Maura, she saw resentment dancing over her face. She immediately said, 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. Really.'

'It's okay.'

'Not _really _okay.' Jane teased. Maura glanced at her, reprehending her attitude. Sometimes, when things didn't work out as Jane had planned to, she acted like this. She wasn't willing to give in, she was playing her game. Alone, apparently, because Stevens did not shot back, instead, she inhaled and exhaled slowly, not really disturbed by Jane. They had to work together, there was no choice. At some point, the stubborn detective would have to understand this.

'Tell me what you've got, Maur.'

'Tell _us, _doctor Isles.'


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hi guys! How you doing? I hope you 're ok :) Have you been missing Maura and Jane? I have! ****Here's a new chapter for you! Cute one (?) tell me what you think!**

**I know it's taking me some time to update this, but I'm doing what I can. Too much happening in my life. Besides, summer is already here, I have to enjoy it, right? But I promise I'll work hard to bring you new chapters as soon as I can.**

**Thank's for reading and for sticking with me!**

* * *

'So, you're saying she didn't blood out?'

'Exactly, Jane.' Maura nodded.

'What happened to her, then?'

'She was asphyxiated.'

'Oh, that explains the blue lips.' Stevens whispered.

'Yes, it does.' Maura smiled at her, noticing that the woman couldn't stand look at the dead girl for too long.

'So, somebody just... strangled her, waited until she'd died and after this he or she, what?, just took out her blood?'

'I did not say she was strangled.'

'Well, I guess there wasn't any water in her lung as well.' Stevens concluded.

'No, you're right. Asphyxia can be can be induced by drowning, but also can be induced by electric shock, injury, or the inhalation of toxic gases.' Maura was about to start her google-mouth-lesson.

'So, Maura, what happened to her?' Jane cut her off.

'In her case, I suppose she was suffocated.'

'Isn't that the same thing? You just told it!'

'Actually, is not.' Maura and Stevens said it at the same time. 'Asphyxiation by neck constriction it's not the same thing as asphyxiation by suffocation.' Maura continued alone.

'Jesus. Christ. Maura.'

'What? You asked.'

Jane rolled her eyes. Sometimes was really hard to keep up with Maura when she was making her thing. Her stressfull google-mouth. Jane was opening her own mouth to stop Maura again when her cell went off. It was a message from Frost, she read it out loud.

'Jane, we just found the vic id. It's Kristin DeMillo. Her parents' is on their way here.'

'Why this name doesn't sound strange for me?' Maura wandered.

'I think...' Jane was cut off before she could say another word.'

'I know. I bet she's Thiago DeMillo's daughter, you know, that singer.'

'You sure?' Jane asked a little surprise, turning around to study the girl's face.

'You know I don't take any bet I can't win.'

Maura was right, Jane found. She arched her eyebrows and looked from Maura to Stevens who seemed too much indifferent, as though...

'You already knew it! You knew it and didn't tell us!' Jane accused her.

Stevens didn't make a move, just raised her eyes and sighed.

'What are you guys doing? FBI is that superior that can't let us know the VIC ID? What else you know that we don't?' Jane had raised her voice.

'Jane, it's not...'

'No, Maura. It's not fair.' She changed her tone only to talk to Maura, but then snarled towards Stevens again. 'You wanna play but don't wanna share your toys?'

'Shut up, Rizzoli.' Stevens shot back. It was the first time she had sounded not so professional. She turned on her heels, giving her back to Maura and Jane, leaving both of them without any more words.

'Yeah, I'll shut up, after letting Cavanaugh know about it.' She grumbled, hands closed in fists.

'Jane.' Maura called her.

'Yeah?'

'I think she knew the girl.'

'What?!'

'I caught her looking at the body. The way she did, I think... Well.' She shrugged. Maura had witnessed a lot of related looking at their passed away family member.

'Oh, you must be kidding me!' Rizzoli wanted to kick something. She had just yelled at someone who, according to Maura, had lost someone close.

'Are you sure, Maura?'

'I can't say for sure, Jane! I'd be guessing.'

'Fuck!' She was still mad. Maybe regreted for yelling at Stevens, but still mad at her.

'Language.'

'I've got to go upstairs. Work to do, you know. I'll figure it out later. See you home, Maur.'

* * *

There was some type of caos drifting in the headquarter that afternoon. From telephones wenting off to people yelling any new information to each other. Jane was sitting on her desk for what have seemed to her like hours. It was hard to concentrate herself with all that noise. Plus, she tried to pull away that irritation she had been feeling towards Stevens without success. How much information had she not told them? Why wasn't she cooperating? Maybe she had been truthful and literal when she said she was there just to observe. Still, what a jerk.

The brunette licked her forefinger before turning the page she was reading. The file was about the dead girl, key data and the parents' and friends' testimony. She was only twenty-six. God. Last time the neighbors saw her leaving home was 2 pm. She never came back. Speaking of time, the detective leaned over the table to check up the hour on her computer. Oh, no. Almost 8! Time had flew away. If Cavanaugh caught her here, he would kick her out. Rubbing her eyes, she promised to read one last page before going home. Just as she rested her back against the chair again, her cellphone buzzed.

A message from Maura.

_Jane, are you at the precinct yet? Are you coming to my place?_

She replied instantly.

_Yes, why?_

_Your mother insisted that she is making us dinner tonight._

Oh no. Jane was hoping for a silent night, cold beer and Maura sitting on the sofa next to her. Was it too much to ask? It wasn't. Specially after a day like this. She typed the message.

_Sure, I'll save u from her._

Once it was sent, Jane started to gather her things. Files, keys and anything else she needed. The next message from Maura came when she was in the elevator.

_I'm not complaining, Jane. I'll pick up some beer for you._

_I thought u were home._

The next reply came ten minutes later or so, when Jane had stopped at a red light.

_I am now, but it's only home when you're here. Please, hurry. :)_

She had to read the message twice. It's only home when you're here. Her heart was pounding crazily, up and down, and her mind was cheering. The sentence repeating over and over again in her head. Maura had even sent her a smile face. She was definetly saving that message. For ever. Don't be stupid, Rizzoli. It means nothing. It does? She didn't know, but she felt important. Maura was waiting for her. She was so sweet, Jane wanted to tell her that she could be her home, her rock, everything she needed if Maura left her try. They could be happy together. Jane could put a ring on her finger, call her... wife? Jesus, it would be fantastic.

'Fuck!' Jane grumbled as a car behind honked, getting her out of her daydream, the real world dragging her back to the her real life. No ring, just a red light turned into green. Free to go, Rizzoli.

Well, if she couldn't be Maura's lover, she would be the best friend Maura could ever have. In the back of her mind, Rizzoli knew somehow that Maura would never be together with her. In first place, this was the reason it took her a long time to admit to herself what she was feeling. Yes, the feeling caught her off guard. She didn't see it coming or installing, once she realized it this was already there. She tried to choke it off, it didn't work. She tried to ignore it, it didn't work either. So what could she possibly do besides acknowledge it?

No, she wouldn't have this internal conversation anymore. She shook her head and turned the radio on. A nice and calm song was playing.

_Now I've met you... And honey you should know..._

A good song would help keep her mind in its place.

_That I could never go on... __Without you..._

She was almost home. Within minutes.

_Green eyes._

Green eyes. Just like Maura's eyes.

Jesus Christ, what song was that? She turned up the volume.

_Honey you are the sea... Upon which I float... And I came here to talk... I think you should know_

_Green eyes... You're the one that... I wanted to find... Anyone who... Tried to deny you... Must be out of their mind._

Oh, yeah. Here was the universe playing with her... Maybe sending her a signal? Oh, Rizzoli! The more exausted you are, the more stupid you become. Put yourself together.

She pulled over and got out of the car bringing her files along. She stepped into the doorway and tried to open the door. It was locked. She smiled. Had Maura finally listened to her? She knocked and waited patiently. When the blonde woman came to open the door to her, she was smiling, her eyes shining. Jane couldn't help but smile at the memory of the song. Green eyes, I think you should know you are the one I wanted to find. Or something like that, she would look up later.

'Hi! Come on in. Your mother and I were making gnocchi.' Maura stepped back, indicating the living room.

'Oh, really? Have you been cooking?'

'Yes, she has! And she's an amazing cook, Jane.' Angela shouted as soon as she saw her daughter. She walked over to the brunette, placed a kiss on her cheeck and gave her a fast hug. 'Maybe she can teach you something, Jane.'

'Ma. I know how to cook.' She smirked and pull herself away from her mother.

Angela arched her eyebrows the way she used to do when Jane was a kid and had just told her a lie.

'When I want to, okay?'

'I don't think grilled cheese counts.'

'Shup up, Maura.' She swatted the blonde woman lightly on her arm.

'Don't even start, Jane! She is not one of your brothers!' The older woman said reproving the brunette atittude and headed back to the kitchen.

'So why do I have this feeling that _you_ are her perfect daughter?' She whispered to Maura and both giggled.

...

'MMMM, Maur, this is delicious!' Jane murmured, tasting the gnocchi.

'Thank you, your mother is a great teacher.' She said, sipping a wine that went really well with the gnocchi.

'Oh, don't give me all the credits, Maura. I have been learning from you more than you have from me.' Angela said lowly, although feeling very proud of herself. She loved cooking, and she also loved feeding her children (including Maura) with her famous homemade meal. And when Maura asked her to teach her how to make that delicious, Maura's words, gnocchi, she almost had an orgasm. 'Cooking with my girl!' She said, throwing her hands into the air.

'Hm hm, don't be silly, Angela.'

'OKAY. You both, stop it. I'm getting jealous here.' Jane cut them off.

'Oh, Jane! I know you can do incredible things too! I'm proud of you as well.'

'Really, Ma? That's nice...' She was touched, suddenly. 'What kind of things I do that you are proud of?'

Angela stood up staring at Jane with a blank face, picked up her plate and headed to the kitchen. 'You do the dishes, Jane. I'm going to bed now. Good night, Maura. Jane.' And then she left.

'Ma. MA!' Jane yelled, but was totally ignored by her mother. She turned to Maura with a my-mother-thinks-I-am-waste-of-space face, making Maura laugh.

'She's just teasing you, Jane.'

'I'm not doing the dishes.' She grumbled.

'It's okay, I've got it. Here, take your beer and go to the couch, I'll be there soon.'

'Thank's, Maur.'

'You're welcome.' The blonde smiled as she watched her friend walking lazily to the living room.

It didn't take long for Maura to do the dishes and put it away, maybe 15 minutes or so. When she did, she grabbed the wine bottle and her glass and before joining Jane, she stopped in the doorway to watch the brunette. She was sitting on the ground, bent over her files, reading, separating in pile, taking notes, going over every piece of paper. That was Jane: devoted, sagacious, obstinate. Maura admired her because Jane was so good at her job, she was good to people. To me, she pointed. She was an honest cop and a great friend. She was sweet, protective and loving. At least to Maura. When they were together, Jane left her guard down. There were no walls Maura couldn't cross, no, there weren't walls at all. Just Jane, simply and pure. Detective Rizzoli had no room when it was just the two of them.

Maura saw Jane rubbing her temples and this gesture, somewhat, took her out of reverie. Jane was tired and it showed. Maura walked over to the couch and sat there. The brunette didn't seem to notice her. She waited for minutes before speaking to the brunette.

'Jane?'

'Yeah?' Her voice was huskier than usual.

'Wanna go to bed?'

'Just need a couple a minutes, Maur. I can't find anything in here.'

Maura just observed. At certain point, she lied down the bottle and glass of wine on the ground and cuddled up on the couch. God, she was tired, but she didn't wanna leave Jane alone, so she decided to make company. As Jane turned one page after another, Maura's tired look traveled from Jane's features to her unruly hair. She had a kind of beauty that always made Maura stare, made her want to touch it. A little dizzy by the wine, Maura streched out a hand and curled Jane's hair on her finger. Jane rested her back against the sofa.

A thunder echoed somewhere far from there. She closed her eyes, tiredness almost dragging her to sleep. Another thunder, higher this time.

'A storm is coming.'

Maura didn't talk. Jane checked her over. She was already sleeping. The brunette stood up and placed a blanket over Maura's small frame. After this, she gathered her files, took the glass and bottle to the kitchen, closed a window. She drank a glass of water and thought about Maura lying on that couch. Jesus, what kind of friend she was? She knew Maura would like to sleep on her own bed. Making her mind, she decided to wake up the blonde and take her to the bedroom.

'Maur?' She called her, crouched beside the sofa. 'Don't you prefer sleep in your bed?'

'Issayhear.' Jane shook her head no and giggled. Maura was sweet. Maybe it would be better if Jane just carried her on her arms to the bed. It'd be embarrassing if Maura caught her doing it, but she had her reasons. Didn't she?

'Okay, honey, I'll...'

Maura lifted the blanket without opening her eyes and murmured, 'Stay here'.

Jane's heart gave a flipped. Maura was asking her to stay there. With her. On the couch. At least, sleepy Maura was. She wanted to lay down with that woman beside her, no, leaned against her in a way Jane could wrap her arms around her waist protectively. She wanted to watch over her sleep. She really wanted, however, to get what you want sometimes means that you have to cross some lines and Jane was afraid of what she could find on the other side. She swallowed hard, choosing a better response.

'Maur, you're in the couch.'

The blonde frowned. 'Just... Please?' She whispered. Her arm still up.

A thunder roared in the sky. The storm was already there, but neither of them seemed bothered. The rain sound was muffling the traffic noise and Jane was sure the lights would be off soon. Maura had asked, Jane pondered, _she_ was insisting. Jane wouldn't waste that chance. Making her mind, a little afraid but still thrilled by Maura's invitation, she sank into the cushions with the doctor.

You've got the nerve, Rizzoli.

Slowly and carefully, the brunette shifted herself, trying to find a good position. The couch was sort of small for two people being lying side by side, which means that Maura had to shift herself too. And when she did, she rested her head below Jane's colar bone, wrapped her waist and rested half of her body against Jane's. The brunette couldn't help but wrap the doc's waist too. Oh, Rizzoli, you fucking lucky woman. She was smiling, she was actually smiling at that. She could smell Maura's perfum breakin into her nose, stealing part of her reason away. She caught herself rubbing the other woman's back in small circles. She felt the warmth underneath her hand, all her body relaxed and looking so comfortable nestled with Maura in that way. Jane moved her socked feet and tangled them up on Maura's bared ones just to hear her moaning.

'Maur, are you okay?' She asked a little concerned.

The blond shook slightly her head yes.

'What's this about? Too much wine?'

'Noooo.' Maura murmured in her unique adorable way as she smiled and leaned her head up to stare Jane. Except that she had her eyes still closed, and with that Jane was sure it was the wine. Then, the blonde rested her hand against Jane's neck.

The detective felt Maura's thin fingers dancing along her neck. What a great sensation. They could stay forever like this, she wouldn't mind.

'Okay.' She whispered. It didn't take long until she felt Maura's fingers stop moving. As she predicted, the lights went off. She could see through the window glass the lightning outside, crossing the sky. One, two, three. After a while she wasn't counting anymore. It was late, she had to sleep. Maura was just a dead weight over her now and she wanted to check the hour. She stretched out her hand and grabbed her cellphone that was on the ground, pressed a button and almost got blind with the blue light. Narrowing her eyes she could see it was almost midnight. Jesus, she really had to sleep. She was exausted and the next day would be as tiring as this one. Before she could place her cell on the ground again, Maura shifted and sighed, probably disturbed by the light. Rizzoli throw the instrument on the ground again and rested her hand on Maura's head. God, she was so adorable. She was there, cuddled up with Jane, a little drunk, asking for some kind of love, some kind of care. She was such a great person, a great soul. Jane couldn't understand how Constance was capable of being so distant during the time she had Maura at home, or in the same country, for that matter. They've been trying to fix this up, but one thing was undeniable: time had flew away. Maura wouldn't have her childhood again. The love, affection, the parents presence... it all was lacking. If they only had given her a chance to show this... this exquisite human being, they wouldn't regret. They would have been amazed by her. But no, all they did was keep distance.

Crazy people. She hugged the sleepy form tightly. She was so beautifull. And broken. The detective knew Maura's family (or lack of family) hit her badly. But Jane would fix it. She would show her love, family, friendship. No, she would do better: she would_ share _all of it with her.

Something about that train of thought made Jane remember about the song again. She caressed the blonde's hair and whispered, more to herself than to Maura, 'Today when I was heading here, there was this song on the radio... I pretty sure it was made for you.'


End file.
